This is for you.

So, basically, everything I know and everything I have come to terms with is down the drain. Everything I've grown to appreciate and respect and cherish: it's all gone. I'm living with my dad now. I probably won't see any of you ever again.

Yeah. Be sad, be unhappy. I am. It's the death of a saleswoman. Things I know and are familiar with have been turned upside-down. As of Sunday, the 8th of November, in the year 2008, I am no longer Kristen the weird girl who goes to your high school. I am Kristen the weird girl who goes to a high school an hour and a half away from you. So, basically, you all got your wish. I'm gone. See you later -- but probably not.

I've been told by people that this world would be a better place if I wasn't in it anymore. Well, you got half of your wish. I'm not in your world anymore. I am now part of a six-person family residing in rural New Jersey. I am sorry to all the people I hurt in this process. Take it up with the mother that threw me out, if you have serious issues with this. None of this was my fault. All I did was tell her I didn't think the greeting card she was looking for existed. And this happened.

Call it defeat, call it a white flag, call it giving up. I call it change, and change isn't always a bad thing.

This post is the first of several that will merely keep you updated. I can't write in my free time anymore, due to my father's inability to update his home internet connection to DSL, and his wife's restrictions. I can't write in this anymore unless I'm with my mother, and since she kicked me out, that probably won't be for a while.

I'm in my dad's work office right now, which is the only reason I'm posting. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever you do.

Expect to see my name in print sometime in the next year, with the dedication that is meant for you. Yeah, you. The person who denied me of happiness. The person who told me I'd never be who I am today. The person who broke me down, beat me up, and left me in the middle of nowhere with no cash and no hope. Yeah, you: the person who brought me to tears with inspiration and glory; you who told me I could be something more. You who told me to keep going, to keep living, to keep thriving. This is to the person who loved me so much that she couldn't handle living in my grief. She's me, but she isn't me anymore. I needed to escape. I needed to break free from the chokehold that was my old town.

Expect to see my name in the news sometime soon. I'll be doing what I always wanted to: I'll be living, sure as hell I will.

Expect to see me flourish and thrive. I will most certainly not care about the past, nor the future. I'm living for Tuesday, November 18th, 2008, in my dad's office writing a blog entry, probably the last one for a while.

Expect me to be your memory. I probably won't visit much. I live an hour and half away from you now. If this hurts you, if it damages our relationship, I'm terribly sorry; people like you make me reconsider while I'm awake at night, lying in a foreign bed in a foreign room that will soon be called mine.

Expect to see me cry. Oh, yes, there will be sadness. There will be anger. I will have second thoughts more than once. But the instability and lack of structure at my old house made it just that: not a home. I can't live with myself anymore. So I reconstructed "me." My name is Kristen, & you better believe you're not going to bring me down.

I start the local high school tomorrow. Wish me luck: hopefully I won't get lost on my first day and be late to class. Although, knowing me...

"Until you get that kid out of her environment, nothing will change." My old friend said this. I love you, Nancy. The next post is dedicated to you.

This is to everyone who never believed in me. Thank you, and keep in touch.