I don't know how long I stood there,

palms facing the darkened sky, icy droplets chasing each other down my neck, my back, and my legs, gathering in vibrating pools at my ankles. I can feel the mask of makeup slowly draining from my pores. I watch the pigment soak away into the night, it's the end, it's the beginning, it's both, it's neither. I watch my body curl under and over itself, surrounding the clothes that contain me and restrain my body. A scream ripples through my chest, my mouth doesn't open to let it out, I choke, I fall to my knees. I need a fix, I need a fix, I need a hoax, I need something to wash this madness down the storm drain. His limp figure is lying at my feet, on his side and at his end, and I'm falling just as fast.

I'm gone if he is, we're siblings, we're friends. He was just walking around with me, he was just laughing, talking. He was just alive. He was just alive.

The car is gone now, it's been gone for minutes or hours, one of the two; it had left mere seconds after its headlights disappeared behind his body, then reappeared as his body was catapulted above the windshield, over the hood, on the trunk, hit the ground, the car sped away, it's gone now, he's gone now.

The night air is moist with the scent of fresh rain, as are the bloody clothes that I wish to tear off so desperately, but still I walk. He's still lying on the pavement, limp and cold and bloody. His scream still pierces my ears, they ring louder than they did after he shot the gun, he's screaming my name, he's screaming my name. Through the blanket of moisture and precipitation, I emerge as the being he once was. My brother, my brother, where did you go?, you were just here with me, you were right there. I can still see the spot. It's right here beside him. The gun now lies there instead, black and dripping with rain, but I can't see it anymore, it's behind me now, I'm thrusting myself forward, my legs aren't listening but I'm trying to control them anyway. 

I waste away as I lean into the rain, sharp and metallic, like nails, drilling into my soft body. I waste away as I lean into the pain, sharp and crunching, and I'm on the ground, I'm lying in a puddle of his blood and this rain, mixed with the tears that won't escape my eyes.

Rest In Peace.